Two dads, or two dads on their way to becoming dads, and a whole lot of decisions ahead.
Some are practical. Some are medical. Some are legal. And a few might lead to conversations you never imagined having together.
Whose sperm do you use? Do you both create embryos? How do you choose an egg donor? If you want more than one child, do you plan for that now? And how do you make sure that, when your baby arrives, you’re both legally recognized as Dad?
There isn’t one right way to build a family through surrogacy. So, let’s start with how it all actually works.
How does gay surrogacy work?
The quick answer: Gay surrogacy for two intended fathers usually involves creating embryos through IVF using sperm from one or both dads and eggs from an egg donor. An embryo is transferred to a gestational surrogate, who carries the pregnancy but has no genetic connection to the baby. The journey also involves surrogate screening and matching, legal agreements, insurance, pregnancy and establishing legal parentage for both dads.
The biology is relatively straightforward. You need sperm and an egg to create an embryo. The sperm comes from one or both intended fathers, while the eggs come from an egg donor.
IVF is used to create embryos, and one embryo is then transferred to a gestational surrogate.
Your egg donor and surrogate are two different people. The donor provides the egg. Your surrogate carries the pregnancy, but her own eggs aren’t involved, so she has no genetic connection to your baby.
This is gestational surrogacy, and it’s the only type of surrogacy NewGen Families facilitates.
Whose sperm do you use in gay surrogacy?
There isn’t a correct answer.
One dad may feel strongly about having a genetic connection while the other doesn’t. Medical or genetic considerations may influence the decision. Sometimes there’s an obvious choice.
And sometimes both dads want the opportunity to have a genetic connection to their family.
In that case, both intended fathers can potentially create embryos using donor eggs. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) discusses this in its 2026 guidance on LGBTQ+ family building.
Each embryo is created using sperm from one genetic father, so both dads can’t be biologically related to the same baby through their sperm. You can, however, create separate embryos using sperm from each dad.
And that opens up an important conversation about what your future family might look like.
Should we plan for future siblings before creating embryos?
If there’s a reasonable chance you’ll want more than one child, yes.
One option is to create embryos using sperm from both dads and eggs from the same donor. A first child could have a genetic connection to one dad and a future sibling to the other, while both children share the same egg donor.
That gives the siblings a genetic connection to each other too.
ASRM recommends thinking about expected egg numbers when donor eggs are divided between two intended fathers and even deciding in advance what happens if the eggs can’t be divided evenly.
Imagine 15 suitable eggs are retrieved and you’d planned to split them equally. Who gets number 15?
It sounds like a tiny detail until someone actually has to make the decision.
There’s a bigger consideration too. Not every egg becomes a usable embryo and not every embryo results in a pregnancy. ASRM notes that intended parents hoping for two or three genetically related children may need more than one lot of donor eggs.
So if future siblings are part of the picture, tell your fertility clinic early. Your plans for baby number two can influence decisions you make before baby number one.
How do two dads choose an egg donor?
Depending on the donor program and fertility clinic, you may receive information about a donor’s physical characteristics, medical and family history, education, interests and other background information. Donors also undergo medical and genetic screening.
Then there are the personal choices.
Some dads look for a donor who resembles one of them. Others look for characteristics that feel like a blend of both. Physical characteristics may matter enormously to you, or hardly at all.
ASRM specifically recognizes that male couples may look for an egg donor whose physical or ethnic characteristics represent both intended fathers.
Your fertility clinic can also explain fresh versus frozen donor eggs, expected egg numbers and what each option might mean if both dads are creating embryos or you hope to have future children.
How does surrogate matching work for gay intended parents?
Choosing your surrogate is different from choosing an egg donor because you’re choosing someone you’re going to have a relationship with.
For the better part of a year, you may be talking regularly, attending appointments, sharing ultrasound photos and planning the birth together.
At NewGen Families, matching goes both ways. Intended parents review a surrogate’s profile, she reviews theirs and, if everyone is interested, we arrange a match meeting. Both sides then decide whether they want to move forward.
There are practical considerations such as medical history, location and insurance, but communication and expectations matter too.
Our guide to surrogate matching for intended parents explains the process in more detail, including what happens during a match meeting.
After matching comes medical clearance, independent legal representation and your Gestational Carrier Agreement. Once medical and legal clearance are complete, your fertility clinic can prepare your surrogate for embryo transfer.
How are both dads legally recognized as parents?
Surrogacy and parentage law varies between US states, but there are some basic mechanisms worth understanding.
Depending on the state and circumstances, an assisted reproductive technology attorney may use a pre-birth parentage order or post-birth parentage order to establish the intended parents’ legal relationship to their child.
A pre-birth order is sought during pregnancy, while a post-birth order establishes or confirms parentage after birth. In some circumstances, an attorney may also recommend or require an additional parentage procedure, such as a second-parent adoption, particularly for a parent without a genetic connection.
Which pathway applies can depend on where your surrogate lives and gives birth, your marital status, genetic connection and the laws of that state.
California, for example, has a detailed statutory framework that allows qualifying intended parents to begin a parentage action before birth. Massachusetts introduced a modernized parentage framework in 2025 that also provides for parentage in qualifying gestational-surrogacy arrangements.
This is why being married doesn’t mean you should simply assume both dads’ legal parentage is automatically covered.
At NewGen Families, intended parents and surrogates have separate specialist attorneys. They negotiate the Gestational Carrier Agreement and advise on the parentage process that applies to the individual journey.
Legal information last reviewed: September 2026. Surrogacy and parentage laws change and vary by jurisdiction. This information is general only and isn’t a substitute for advice from your reproductive attorney.
How much does gay surrogacy cost in the US?
US surrogacy is a significant financial commitment, and two dads will generally also need to budget for egg donation and embryo creation.
NewGen Families’ current US surrogacy cost guide shows a broad industry planning range of approximately $126,000 to $262,000 USD when the major components are combined.
The upper end reflects high-end costs across several categories rather than what every journey will cost. Costs can include surrogate compensation and expenses, agency services, IVF and egg donation, legal and escrow fees, insurance and medical expenses.
ASRM’s 2026 LGBTQ+ family-building guidance separately describes the associated cost of this pathway for male intended parents as approximately $200,000 per child. It isn’t directly equivalent to NewGen’s industry planning range, but it provides useful context for the scale of the financial commitment involved.
If both dads create embryos or you’re creating additional embryos for future siblings, those decisions can also affect your fertility costs.
Does insurance cover surrogacy?
Insurance depends on the policies involved.
Your own insurance may include some fertility benefits, while your surrogate’s health policy needs to be professionally reviewed to determine whether it can cover a surrogacy pregnancy or contains relevant exclusions.
If her policy isn’t suitable, additional coverage may need to be arranged.
NewGen coordinates insurance review as part of the journey, and our US surrogacy insurance guide explains the different types of coverage and potential costs in more detail.
How long does gay surrogacy take?
As a broad planning guide, NewGen’s intended-parent materials map a best-case US surrogacy journey at around 18 to 19 months.
If you’re starting without embryos, embryo creation itself can take approximately two to four months, depending on donor availability, testing, clinic schedules and IVF outcomes.
The later stages include surrogate matching, medical and legal clearance, embryo transfer and pregnancy.
Actual journeys can take longer. Matching timelines vary, medical issues can require further investigation and the first embryo transfer doesn’t always result in pregnancy.
So think of the timeline as a series of stages rather than one long wait: embryos, matching, clearance, transfer, pregnancy and birth.
What should two dads ask a surrogacy agency?
Ask how surrogates are recruited and screened, how matching works and whether both you and the surrogate have final say.
Ask what your quoted costs include, which expenses can change and what happens financially if a transfer fails or you need to rematch.
Ask who reviews your surrogate’s insurance, how independent legal representation works and how parentage is handled in the state where your surrogate lives.
And if both dads want to create embryos, ask how that plan will be coordinated with your fertility clinic and egg donor.
You should understand what happens when everything goes to plan, but also what happens when it doesn’t.
Gay surrogacy FAQs
Can both dads use their sperm?
Yes. Donor eggs can potentially be divided and fertilized using sperm from each intended father, creating separate embryos genetically related to each dad.
Can both dads be biologically related to the same baby?
Not through both dads’ sperm. Each embryo is created using one egg and sperm from one genetic father. Both dads can, however, create separate embryos.
Can we use the same egg donor for siblings?
Potentially, yes. Embryos can be created using eggs from the same donor and sperm from each dad, allowing future siblings to share a genetic connection through the donor while each child may be genetically related to a different father.
Is the egg donor also the surrogate?
Not in gestational surrogacy. The egg donor provides the egg, while the gestational surrogate carries the pregnancy and has no genetic connection to the baby.
Can both dads be legal parents?
Yes, but the legal process depends on the state and circumstances of the surrogacy arrangement. It may involve a pre-birth order, post-birth order or another parentage procedure advised by your reproductive attorney.
Do gay couples need to be married for surrogacy?
Not universally. Marriage and parentage requirements vary by state, so this should be confirmed with a reproductive attorney before entering a surrogacy arrangement.
Two dads, and the family you build from here
There’s something very deliberate about building a family this way.
Before there’s a baby, there are decisions about genetics, donors, embryos, surrogates, lawyers and what you might want your family to look like years from now.
But you don’t need to make all of those decisions at once.
You might know exactly whose sperm you want to use. You might both want to create embryos. You might already have embryos waiting, or still be working out what an egg donor cycle actually involves.
There’s room to figure those things out.
NewGen Families works with gay intended parents throughout the US surrogacy process, coordinating the journey from embryo creation and surrogate matching through legal, insurance, pregnancy and birth.
Book a complimentary consultation with NewGen Families to talk through where you’re starting and the family you’re hoping to build.
