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How to Find a Surrogate: The 5 Best Questions to Ask a Potential Surrogate Match! 

Looking for a Surrogate? Discover how to find a Surrogate that is right for you!

The journey to find a surrogate can be a challenging one. For some, the decision is catalyzed by a chance encounter with a surrogacy intended parent (IP), inspiring them to help create a family and fulfil a dream of parenthood. For others, exploring how to find a surrogate is a meticulous process that takes time, effort, and perseverance. 

It is important to realize, however, that the search to find a surrogate is not just about identifying a willing participant; it’s also about choosing someone you can trust to nurture the growth and development of your child. The stakes involved in the surrogate match process can therefore result in feelings of anxiety among intended parents looking at whether potential candidates meet their surrogacy requirements.

Today’s article is inspired by NewGen Families‘ expertise in matching surrogates with intended parents. Here, you will not only discover how to find a surrogate but also receive guidance on the right questions to ask a surrogacy agency and a surrogate themselves so that you can make the most out of your journey to parenthood.

So, with that said, it’s time to find a Surrogate perfect for you!

How to find a Surrogate

What does a strong surrogate match look like?

Many surrogacy IP and gestational carriers start their surrogacy journey as strangers but often build a profound bond based on their shared goal of creating a family. Even if this relationship doesn’t necessarily lead to a lifelong friendship down the line, the connection between the two parties is undeniably unique and special. Maintaining a healthy relationship should, thus, be treated as a priority from the moment you find a surrogate.

The perfect surrogate-intended parent relationship begins with recognizing the role of the Surrogate as more than just a vessel. Instead, she should be recognized, first and foremost, as a person who is also finding meaning and purpose through surrogacy. 

It is important to note, however, that finding a surrogate match is not necessarily about making a new best friend either. The best surrogacy relationships are about partnership, shared goals and values, and ultimately, open communication and mutual respect around the fundamental surrogacy requirements. 

So, how do you find a strong surrogate match?

3 types of surrogate-intended parent relationships 

The first step to finding a robust and rewarding surrogate match is to understand the types of relationships existing between gestational carriers and intended parents. Ultimately, knowledge of the relationship dynamics will help you to find a surrogate match that meets your requirements and expectations before you commit to collaborating with a gestational carrier. 

According to the Upsala Journal of Medical Sciences, these dynamics can be categorized into three main types: open relations, restricted relations, and structured relations (2020). The characterizations found below have been developed from the evidence presented in the aforementioned study related to finding a suitable surrogate match.

Open relations

Defined as “regular, caring, intense, also spontaneous”, open relationships are often face-to-face with little to no intermediaries. The surrogacy requirements and expectations from both an IP and surrogate in open relations are regularly fulfilled with a high level of satisfaction (p. 187).

Restricted relations

Characterized by “no contact or sporadic contact”, restricted relationships between surrogates and intended parents are governed by low expectations. Evidence suggests that even though some surrogates are not interested in maintaining a relationship, it is also not uncommon for surrogates in restricted relations to require more contact and support during the pregnancy (Ibid.).

Structured relations

Structured relations are characterized by contact that is “planned at regular intervals: more often pre-birth, occasional post-birth, (postcard or a phone call from time to time)”. Similar to open relations, the surrogacy requirements and expectations of communication are mostly fulfilled and based on contractual frames (Ibid.).

At NewGen Families – Surrogacy Agency, we believe the top surrogacy agencies foster an open relationship between intended parents and surrogates. Governed by elements of structured relations and mutual respect for pre-established boundaries and surrogacy requirements, we believe it is imperative to know how to find a surrogate who is offered the opportunity to communicate her expectations from the get-go.

In healthy surrogacy arrangements, boundaries are communicated and then reinforced by external parties and processes. Maintaining and achieving clarity before and after a surrogate match is more easily achieved through the help of a surrogacy agency

Benefits of a surrogate match through a surrogacy agency

While we do not recommend that intended parents find a surrogate match without the help of an agency, some may opt for independent surrogacy arrangements if they are seeking to collaborate with a specific gestational carrier.

Even though it may appear more cost-effective to find a surrogate independently, surrogacy agencies offer numerous cost-saving advantages. These include expert surrogate match services, mediation to nurture relationships, established and tested processes, and a coordinated end-to-end approach to surrogacy services. 

In the long run, the benefits of surrogacy agencies can lead to incredible cost-saving opportunities through their mitigation of risk. Ultimately, outperforming the perceived advantages of independent arrangements.

Exploring how to find a surrogate without the help of an agency

If you are still curious about ‘How to find a surrogate without the help of an agency?’, consider engaging with surrogate blogs, social networks, and surrogate finder websites. These resources can be helpful when trying to find a surrogate for you and your family, and even offer some insight on the right questions to ask a surrogacy agency, should you decide to go down that path in the future.

We strongly recommend those independently looking for a Surrogate to be extra vigilant, especially if offering expensive compensation packages. Asking for completed background checks, in-home assessments, and other FAQ evaluations can be wise before continuing the process of finding a surrogate.

NewGen Families Surrogate Match Process

An integral part of any top surrogacy agency’s role is to thoroughly screen and evaluate potential gestational carriers so a surrogacy IP can find a surrogate they can trust. 

At NewGen Families, the background check and psychological evaluation are major aspects of the intake process for our gestational carriers. These tests assess factors such as physical health and emotional standing, as well as ask the right questions to gauge their psychological stability to ensure you find a surrogate match that leads you to the highest level of pregnancy success. 

The surrogate requirements set for gestational carriers in the NewGen Families Surrogacy Program are designed to pool the best candidates for intended parents looking for a surrogate. Curious about the psychological evaluation process? Take a look at our interview with NewGen Families’ go-to LMFT!

Top 5 questions to ask a surrogacy agency & potential surrogate

After the Surrogates have been cleared to participate in our program, careful profile reviews carried out by intended parents and gestational carriers alike lead you to your first virtual meetings. At NewGen Families, these meetings provide a unique opportunity to connect, share stories, and assess compatibility when finding a surrogate. 

When getting to know your agency and surrogate match, come prepared with a basic FAQ list that will help you find a surrogate as smoothly as possible. Some of our 5 favorite questions to ask include:

  • “Why have you chosen to become a Surrogate?” – helps establish your surrogate’s motivations, ensuring that your goals, values and requirements are aligned from the get-go. 
  • “What does a typical day in your life look like?” – offers a glimpse into the surrogate’s daily routine, which can be crucial for assessing her availability and commitment to the surrogacy journey.
  • “What level of communication are you expecting throughout the journey?” – clarifies communication expectations, ensuring both parties are on the same page regarding updates, decisions, and emotional support.
  • “Will you have a pre-established network of support available to you?” – assesses the surrogate’s support system, which can impact her emotional and physical well-being during the journey.

“How would you describe your past pregnancies?” – provides insights into the surrogate’s pregnancy history, allowing you to assess her suitability for a successful surrogacy experience and the potential risks involved

Key Takeaways on How to Find a Surrogate

Understanding Surrogate-Intended Parent Relationships 

It’s crucial to remember that surrogacy journeys can lead to various types of relationships between surrogates and intended parents. These can be categorized as open, restricted, or structured. Understanding these dynamics can help you determine what to look for in a surrogate match.

Benefits of Working with a Surrogacy Agency

While independent surrogacy arrangements may seem cost-effective, surrogacy agencies offer valuable advantages like expert surrogate match services, mediation for relationship support, established processes, and end-to-end coordination, leading to cost savings and a smoother journey. Your surrogacy agency will ask the right questions to ensure the best outcome for your future family.

Finding a surrogate without an agency

If you’re considering finding a surrogate without an agency, it’s essential to exercise caution. While utilizing surrogate blogs, social networks, and surrogate finder websites, do not neglect thorough background checks and evaluations especially when high compensation packages are involved. Always ask the right questions if you are not working with a surrogacy agency.

NewGen Families Surrogate Match Process

Top surrogacy agencies, like NewGen Families, conduct thorough screening and evaluation of potential Surrogates. This process assesses physical health, emotional well-being, and psychological stability to ensure a strong Surrogate match.

Top 5 Basic Questions for Potential Surrogates

When getting to know your Surrogate match, ask questions that focus on aligning goals, assessing commitment, and ensuring a successful surrogacy journey.

Looking at how to find a surrogate? Contact our team for a FREE consultation today!

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